tired

recently, every one is so tired.. (including me) cause i did some thing call turning nocturnal.. nocturnal actually has great effects on me.. more pimples, more tired.. hai.. but no choice.. i only have 1 prelim in my entire life.. haha.. actually i dont really know whether is it really one.. but true, i want to get results that is beyond poly.. i aim for JC grades.. but i want poly courses.. meaning i want to enter poly wiht JC grades.. but looking at the god damn it prelim.. i know its difficult.. but i will live up to my motto.. never give up even till the end.. cuase at least i tried.. i didnt give up.. i can tell the whole world that i didnt give up even though i fail to achieve..

like that day, i having my practical exam, i am suppose to report to school at 9.15 sharp... my dad woke me up at 6.30 (i told him to do so) and i slept at 3 the day before.. 3 hrs of sleep.. you know, i have a real bad habit is that i will go back to my bed and try to look for zhou gong.. its already a habit.. i couldnt change it overnight. and of course.. i lie on my bed and shut my eyes. my dad found out that i shut my eyes, and he start to make a fuss of it.. saying that i cant do it, i cannot wake up one. this really makes me energetic.cause i am angry. you ask some one who is smoking to quit smoking immediately, do you think this person is capable of doing it? then i close my door. locking it up. then he came outside of my door and say : you dont wanna go for exam already arh? i shouted back: since you think i cant wake up, i might as well sleep and dont take the exam and be unqualified for my entire prelim. hey, you stupid is it? i study for so long, you ask every single candidate, will one tell you that i am willing to give up all my efforts just because of my bad habit. you think i love this habit? i want to change, but my dad himself dont even want to give me a chance and he expect miracles from me. wake up please, come back to reality. you can only give a person a CHANCE to create miracles, not GRANT THEM WITH IT..

hai.. so many unhappy and tired things.. exams, tiredness. no one can help me. i know, its same for every person. but what i cannot figure out is, my dad dont even want to give me a chance to do it when i myself gave a chance to my own self. why he couldnt understand. why? i really dont know. the days that i can play with is 0. i am not happy. i am restless. i am tired. but he dont even want to give me some little support when i already feel like i am mother-less. he rather choose to tell himself that i couldnt do it, he trust himself that i will fail. if you have no faith in me, dont look for me. i dont do jobs without credit. and i hate circumstances when you do something, no one thank you. instead, they hack care about you. further more, he do not have any confidence in me, in anything. he believes that i cannot meet up to JC standard, now even think that i cannot meet up to poly standard. he thinks that any how pick one person from the street can sing better than me. he thinks beggar accomplish more than me. he dont want to communicate with me, and when anything happens, he will claim that i dont let him to understand me. please lah, i already like no mother already, you still wanna torture me like this. if you think i am a failure in every thing, think about this first : are you a sucess in being some one's father? what did you do to care about your children? and why? i doubt that he can answer this question.